"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific."
- Jane Wagner

"A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms."
- George Wald

"The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants."
- Adam Walinsky

"Obviously I was either onto something, or on something."
- Larry Wall on the creation of Perl

"What do you mean we don't communicate? Just yesterday I faxed you a reply to the recorded message you left on my answering machine."
- The Wall Street Journal

"Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants."
- Andy Warhol

"The Second Law of Thermodynamics:
If you think things are in a mess now, just wait!"
- Jim Warner

"Does not enable user to fly"
- Warning on Batman cape

"If your professor wrote it, it's as near to the truth as you ever need to get."
- John Watson, University of Canterbury

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."
- Bill Watterson, in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes

"'I will not stand for being called a woman in my own house' she said."
- Evelyn Waugh - British Novelist - "Scoop" Bk. 1 Ch. 5

"If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?"
- Jenny Weber

"Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in life, except for good taste in men."
- Wedding Toast

"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself."
- A.H. Weiler

"I see no reason to suppose these machines will ever force themselves into general use."
- Duke of Wellington - Referring to the steam locomotive.

"Go away...I'm alright."
- H. G. Wells, dying words

"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce...? The cuckoo clock."
- Orson Welles - US Film actor

"Yes, about ten minutes."
- Duke of Wellington - Responding to a vicar's query as to whether there was anything he would like his upcoming sermon to be about.

"When women go wrong, men go right after them."
- Mae West

"A man in the house is worth two in the street."
- Mae West

"A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample."
- Rebecca West

"I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens."
- E. B. White

"The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting."
- T.H. White

"It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either."
- Kevin White, Mayor of Boston

"Outside every girl there is a fat man trying to get in."
- Katherine Whitehorn - British journalist

"Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult."
- Charlotte Whitton

"Logic merely enables one to be wrong with authority."
- Doctor Who

"Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do."
- Oscar Wilde

"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
- Oscar Wilde

"The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read."
- Oscar Wilde

"Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays."
- Oscar Wilde

"Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people."
- Oscar Wilde

"I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His ability."
- Oscar Wilde

"Biography lends to death a new terror."
- Oscar Wilde

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
- Oscar Wilde

"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's."
- Oscar Wilde

"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man."
- Oscar Wilde

"Either that wallpaper goes, or I do."
- Oscar Wilde - on deathbed in a drab French room

"He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him."
- Oscar Wilde - about George Bernard Shaw

"The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a neccessity."
- Oscar Wilde

"Whenever people agree with me, I always think I must be wrong."
- Oscar Wilde

"Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening."
- Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde

"You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax--tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough."
- Pearl Williams?

"We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities."
- Robin Williams - "Good Morning Vietnam"

"You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks."
- Robin Williams

"The British civil service ... is a beautifully designed and effective braking mechanism."
- Shirley Williams - British politician

"The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?"
- Derek Wills

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
- Earl Wilson

"Of course, I do have a slight advantage over the rest of you. It helps in a pinch to be able to remind your bride that you gave up a throne for her."
- Duke of Windsor - King of the United Kingdom, abdicated in 1936. Discussing maintenance of happy marital relations.

"A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say."
- Michael Winner - British film director

"The New York Times is read by the people who run the country. The Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country. The National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country..."
- Robert J Woodhead

"I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street."
- Virginia Woolf

"For most of history, Anonymous was a woman."
- Virginia Woolf

"Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded."
- Virginia Woolf

"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Hemon Wouk

"Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles."
- Frank Lloyd Wright

"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines."
- Frank Lloyd Wright

"This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance."
- Steven Wright - comedian

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."
- Steven Wright

"When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic."
- Steven Wright

"What's another word for 'Thesaurus?'"
- Steven Wright

"There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot."
- Steven Wright

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths."
- Steven Wright

"Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?"
- Steven Wright

"Black holes are where God divided by zero"
- Steven Wright

"I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time."
- Steven Wright

"People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them."
- Steven Wright

"My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big sattelite photo of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here"."
- Steven Wright

"I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died."
- Steven Wright

"All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... with a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.""
- Steven Wright

"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."
- Steven Wright

"I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still ..."
- Steven Wright

"I got this powdered water -- now I don't know what to add."
- Steven Wright

"I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it."
- Steven Wright

"I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!""
- Steven Wright

"I met my latest girl friend in a department store. She was looking at clothes, and I was putting Slinkys on the escalators."
- Steven Wright

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
- Steven Wright

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
- Steven Wright

"I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious."
- Steven Wright

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