"Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers."
- Chip Salzenberg

"Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Call Me God') to .. the GCMG ('God Calls Me God')."
- Anthony Sampson - British writer and journalist - "Anatomy of Britain" Ch. 18.

"The house of Lords must be the only institution in the world which is kept efficient by the persistent absenteeism of most of its members."
- Herbert Samuel

"If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law."
- Roy Santoro

"Every time I paint a portrait, I lose a friend."
- John Singer Sargent - US Portrait Painter.

"Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored."
- George Saunders, dying words

"Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about."
- Philippe Schnoebelen

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
- Charles Schultz

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
- Charles Schultz - Charlie Brown

"Television? No good will come of this device. The word is half Greek and half Latin."
- C.P. Scott - British Journalist.

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist---"
- John B. Sedgwick, general, dying words, 1864

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- Seen in a .signature file

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. "
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't."
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"There's too much blood in my caffeine system."
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"If God had meant us to vote, He would have given us candidates."
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter."
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"Drive it like you stole it"
- Seen on a bumper sticker

"Men. You can't live with them. You don't have to."
- Seen on a t-shirt

"Sarah Brightman couldn't act scared on the New York subway at 4 o'clock in the morning."
- Joel Segal

"It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper."
- Rod Serling

"Love and stoplights can be cruel."
-Sesame Street, U.S. children's television show

"The nice thing about Windows is- It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first."
- Sig of Arno Schaefer

"All my wife has ever taken from the Mediterranean - from that whole vast intuitive culture - are four bottles of Chianti to make into lamps, and two china condiment donkeys labeled Sally and Peppy."
- Peter Shaffer - British dramatist

"Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day."
- Wayne Shannon

"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion."
- George Bernard Shaw

"If parents would only realize how they bore their children."
- George Bernard Shaw

"There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it."
- George Bernard Shaw

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
- George Bernard Shaw

"Give women the vote, and in five years, there will be a crushing tax on bachelors."
- George Bernard Shaw

"My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same."
- George Bernard Shaw

"Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married."
- George Bernard Shaw

"We learn from history that we learn nothing from history."
- George Bernard Shaw

"I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot."
- George Bernard Shaw

"NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong.
GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right."
- George Bernard Shaw, "The Man of Destiny"

"If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?"
- Harry Shearer

"If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English."
- Wilfred Sheed

"The big print giveth and the fine print taketh away."
- J. Falton Sheen, US Roman Catholic Archbishop referring to his contract for a television appearance.

"Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases."
- Richard Brinsley Sheridan - British dramatist - on being asked to apologize for calling a fellow MP a liar.

"The latest definition of an optimist is one who fills up his crossword puzzle with ink."
- Clement King Shorter - British journalist and critic

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." - Jimmy Shubert

"New York ... is not Mecca. It just smells like it."
- Neil Simon - US Playwright

"Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten."
- B.F. Skinner

"In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you."
- Yakov Smirnoff

"I cannot imagine any condition which would cause this ship to founder. Modern shipbuilding has gone beyond that."
- E. I. Smith, Captain of the Titanic

"I am one of the unpraised, unrewarded millions without whom Statistics would be a bankrupt science. It is we who are born, who marry, who die, in constant ratios."
- Logan Pearsall Smith - US Writer

"Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant."
- Malcolm Smith

"The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem."
- Mike Smith

"What you don't know would make a good book."
- Sydney Smith

"He who drinks a tumbler of London water has literally in his stomach more animated beings than there are men, women, and children on the face of the globe."
- Sydney Smith

"The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper."
- Smith & Jones

"Talk is cheap. But if it keeps your stomach full and your grave empty, it's worth more than gold"
-Mike Smith

"If unix is the face of the future I wanna go back to quill pens."
- Joseph Snipp

"Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class managemnt."
- Senator Soaper

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher."
- Socrates

"Jazz will endure just as long as people hear it through their feet instead of their brains."
- John Philip Sousa

"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea - massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."
- Gene Spafford

"Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul."
- William Archibald Spooner - Oxford clergyman and academic

"Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!"
- The Squirrels' Motto (The "Hell's Angels of Nature")

"One death is a tragedy. One thousand deaths is a statistic."
- Joseph Stalin

"If I were to walk on water, the press would say I'm only doing it because I can't swim."
- Bob Stanfield

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."
- Gloria Steinem

"A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard."
- Prof. Steiner

"People are very flexible and learn to adjust to strange surroundings -- they can become accustomed to read Lisp and Fortran programs, for example."
- Leon Sterling and Ehud Shapiro, Art of Prolog, MIT Press

"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
- Adlai Stevenson

"While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove."
- Edward Stevenson

"The Saint's are the sinners that keep on trying."
- Robert Louis Stevenson

"Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?"
- Tom Stoppard - Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
- August Strindberg

"Ninety percent of everything is crap."
- Theodore Sturgeon

"We can't schedule an orgy, it might be construed as fighting"
- Stanley Sutton

"This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks -- to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed; no machines, no wires, no controls."
- Michael Swanwick, "Vacuum Flowers"

"If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."
- Thomas Szasz




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