"I base my fashion sense on what doesn't itch."
- Gilda Radner

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla."
- Mitch Ratcliffe

"If we get involved in a nuclear war, would the electromagnetic pulses from exploding bombs damage my videotapes?"
- Readers' Q and A column in TV Guide, 1985

"Trust, but verify. "
- Ronald Reagan

"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I have signed legislation to outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
- Ronald Reagan - Recorded when asked to do a microphone test

"Please assure me that you are all Republicans."
- Ronald Reagan - Rep. President - addressing his surgeons on being wheeled to the OR after an assassination attempt

"They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take the chance?"
- Ronald Reagan

"Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage."
- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial Post

"In the factory we make cosmetics. In the store we sell hope."
- Charles Revson - Business tycoon

"The real fact is that I could no longer stand their eternal cold mutton."
- Cecil Rhodes - explaining why he had left his friends in England and came to South Africa

"Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business."
- Tom Robbins

"We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold."
- D.W. Robertson.

"Propel, propel, propel your craft softly down liquid solution. Ecstatically, ecstatically, estatically, ecstatically, Existence is simply illusion."
- Fred Rogers, parody of "Row, row, row your boat" on his television show, "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood."

"It doesn't matter if your on the right track, if you don't move, you'll get run over"
- Will Rogers

"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators."
- Will Rogers

"Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it."
- Theodore Roosevelt

"Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you."
- Jean Rostand - Le Mariage

"Kill a man, and you are a murderer.
Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror
Kill everyone, and you are a god."
- Jean Rostard

"Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l."
- Rita Rudner

Rules for driving in New York:
(1) Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
(2) You may park anywhere if you turn you four-way flashers on.
(3) A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."
- Mark Russell

"The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!"
- Mark Russell

"Two mother's-in-law."
- Lord John Russell - when asked what he would consider a proper punishment for bigamy

"The only thing you will ever be able to say in the so-called 'social' sciences is: "some do, some don't." "
- Ernest Rutherford

"However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea."
- Tom K. Ryan

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