"Don't look back -- something might be gaining on you."
- Satchel Paige

"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching"
- Satchel Paige

"You know, she speaks eighteen different languages. And she can't say "No" in any of them."
- Dorothy Parker - speaking of an acquaintance

"Where does she find them?"
- Dorothy Parker - in reply to "Anyway, she's always very nice to her inferiors."

"Check Enclosed"
- Dorothy Parker - her version of the two most beautiful words in English

"Excuse my dust"
- Dorothy Parker - Epitaph

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
- Dorothy Parker

"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room."
- Blaise Pascal

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other poor sons-of-bitches die for theirs."
-George Patton

"Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition."
- Samuel Pepys - English diarist

"Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way."
- Alan J. Perlis

"In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ...in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter, "The Peter Principle"

"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this."
- Emo Phillips

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."
- Emo Philips

"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
- Emo Philips

"If I like it, I say it's mine. If I don't I say it's a fake."
- Pablo Picasso - when asked how he knew which paintings were his.

"The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order."
- Brian Pickrell

"The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 A.M."
- Charles Pierce

"Mick Jagger doesn't reach my knees when it comes to stage charisma."
- Robbie Pilatus of Milli Vanilli, a few months before it turned out they didn't even sing on their own album.

"The weasel under the cocktail cabinet."
- Harold Pinter - British playwright - when asked what his plays were about

"Sometime when you least expect it, Love will tap you on the shoulder... and ask you to move out of the way because it still isn't your turn."
- N.V. Plyter

"Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting someone else to do the work.'
- John G. Pollard

"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."
- Paula Poundstone

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
- Terry Pratchett

"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."
- Elvis Presley

"I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants."
- Elvis Presley

"I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town."
- Michael Prichard

"Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true."
- Polish proverb

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